SPECIALESE
It’s unfortunate that this article had to come about partially because of some stupid things said by three people unusually prone to saying stupid things. The author, David Wilcox, discussed the use of the word “retard” or “retarded” and the way the media has approached the issue of mental disability in a thoughtful, honest, personal way.
“Let’s be honest: the mentally challenged make people uncomfortable. They talk funny. They don’t always respect personal boundaries. They often have a tenuous grasp on social mores. And because of that, we go out of our way to avoid them. We’re content to let them exist in a world that’s segregated from our own. And on those rare occasions when our worlds intersect? We find we lack even an agreed-upon vocabulary to discuss them.”
On the one hand, I’ve noticed that a lot of people have heard of autism or Down’s, but will still describe someone with special needs as “retarded”. Not out of malice, of course, unless they’re eight years old, which means they’re 90% evil anyway. It always raises flags in my head now, and I try not to use it myself. On the other hand, I had decided when I first started that I wouldn’t raise a stink about the r-word. I wouldn’t be one of those people around whom his friends would have to walk on PC eggshells. I don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to badger everyone into using the correct language for everything all the time; God knows I don’t and I’d hate to be reminded all the time. I’m not a crusader, unless it’s for something stupid, like how thinking that Mike Tyson could beat Bruce Lee in a fight is utterly preposterous. You can’t force people to care (about language or imaginary fights) and I know the people I see most often who might use the r-word without thinking aren’t brutes. On top of all of that, I feel like a fraud only now wagging my finger at society. A year and a half of work in special ed hasn’t given me the right to speak out like I’m an expert.
There’s a moment when I’m talking about my job and someone wants to ask a question, and I can see them pause to consider the right set of terms to use. I’m torn over how to respond. I obviously want people to be respectful, but I don’t want them to rein in what could be an intelligent conversation on the topic. There really is no “agreed-upon vocabulary” for the subject. On the one hand, people that don’t know much about it will just call them all retarded and leave it at that; people in the fray have developed a specific and technical set of terms that sometimes feel like a new dialect, and it’s unreasonable to expect everyone to use it. (My favorite term for people without mental disability is “neurotypical”. Good luck getting that to catch on.) I usually keep quiet and let them take whatever path they feel is necessary. No one should be afraid of offending someone if they’re being honest. I suppose the bottom line is to remember that before they’re disabled, they’re people, so use vocabulary that reflects that. Sure, there’s such a thing as making your language so sugary and cushioned as to be totally ineffectual and patronizing. There is, as always, a healthy middle ground between insensitivity and overcompensation. (There’s also such a thing as a sense of humor, which is always the first thing to go when things like this come up.)
At best this is a complicated situation, and this is, in short, what I’ve worked out so far. My guiding principle about this is grace, grace to people with special needs and grace to people who may not have thought about it as much. A part of me jumps whenever I hear someone use the r-word now, and there’s nothing I can do about that, but I can’t expect everyone to experience the things that led me to a greater understanding of a group of people I never would have encountered otherwise.